So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
