Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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