u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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