i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
