why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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