in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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