you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize