bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
