I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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