): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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