Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
