Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
