Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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