We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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