I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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