"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
