I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
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