If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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