I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
