Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
