Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Girls should come with a carfax report
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
