Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
