Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
