so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
