Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
