He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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