Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
