That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
