I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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