Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
