In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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