the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
