hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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