how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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