I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
