Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
