How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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