So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
