Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
