we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
