i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
is that a dick in a sweater?
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