mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
