I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
