I just saw a hot homeless man
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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