Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
