one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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