wrigley field is MILF paradise
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
