Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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