The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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