I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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