Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
