So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
